happy friday!

today is our 6-year dating anniversary!
this is one of the oldest photos we have together,
and one of my favorites.

this is probably the last time we'll celebrate a dating anniversary,
since now we have our first wedding anniversary to look forward to...
so today we're going to visit the granville island market
and find delicious local food to make a yummy feast.
tomorrow we're going out for a fancy dinner at
one of our favorite vancouver restaurants.
a romantic and fun weekend!


what are you up to this weekend?
i hope you have a great one.

a little wedding

dante and i were reminiscing about our wedding this afternoon,
so i thought i'd post one of my favorites

to brighten your tuesday!

the secret to ending arguments

weheartit

amidst all the preparations,

the invitations, the decorations, the planning,

there was one thing that dante & i had to do before we could get married

in his family's catholic church...

we were required to take a marriage course

...

dante thought this was pretty much the most ridiculous thing in the world,

and although i thought it would be good for us

to have some time to reflect

on the giant, life-changing steps we were taking with each other,

i was a little skeptical too.

but...

after going through it,

i advise anyone who is getting ready to get married

to set up some time to do a pre-marriage course.

whether it's through your church, your local community center,

or with a private counsellor,

i found it so helpful to have a pre-formulated set of topics and questions

and time to talk about them.

because when you're engaged,
you should be planning your marriage
as much as you are planning your wedding.

most people know there are things they should talk about

with their significant other, like money, intimacy, children,

and personal preferences about all sorts of other things,

but most of us never do.

and these are the discussions that these courses are set up to facilitate.

and the most important thing

that we got out of the course was this...

it's not about winning a fight anymore.

if you want your relationship to work,

you have to let go of the idea that

you need to prove your partner wrong.

that has always been a very hard one for us,

and we're still working on it.

but the course taught us so many techniques for

how to cool off when you get upset,

how to slow down and listen to each other,

and how to work together to solve a problem,

regardless of whose "fault" the problem may be.

i believe that this really changed both of our perspectives

on the way we approached our relationship,

and the course helped us turn our pretty wonderful dating relationship

into a fantastic, loving and permanent marriage.

we now know that having a happy marriage is more important

than proving the other person wrong.

and of course we will always have growing to do

and changes we'll have to make in order to live in harmony with one another,

but we are doing our best to work everything out together

and to make each other happy with every thing we do.

my single self

i think the most challenging part about being married

is trying to reconcile my single life with my married life.

because i've always gravitated towards powerful female role models,

the vision i have of myself is of a strong, independant woman.

it's difficult to combine this idea of my ideal self

with the woman who now shares her adventures with someone else.

of course, i love sharing my life with dante,

and i know we have something special

that we are so blessed to have found,

but sometimes i feel like i've given a little piece of myself away.

it makes me wonder...

how can we retain our fabulous single selves

when we've made a promise to spend our life with someone else?

since high school, i dreamed of going to live in paris for a little while.

when i broke up with an old boyfriend, i almost went, but life got in the way.

now, of course i could still go to paris,

i could spend time there shopping in markets,

strolling the champs elysees,

 sipping noisettes in cafes,

and browsing the merchants kiosks by the seine,
but being married - i know it wouldn't quite be the same.

and although i love living with dante,

sometimes i miss my last apartment,

which breathed meg in every detail.

i sometimes miss living on my own,

keeping my place as messy or as clean as i wanted it,

blaring whatever music i wanted

and playing sexandthecity dvds in the background all day

while i studied for tests.
i'm so lucky to be in a relationship where

sharing space is never a problem,

but it's still an adjustment.

now i sometimes feel like there are two of me,

the fabulous independant girl who goes out to movies by herself,

meets up with girlfriends,

and dreams about moving to paris,

and the loving wife to her loving husband,

creating new adventures together.

things always have to change,

and i do adore my new life,
but i'm going to make sure to keep my single self as a part of me,
and still let her out as often as i need to.

marriage inspirations

i've been thinking a lot about our marriage lately,

and how to make it the best that it can be.

it's a slow process to adjust to the mindset that

you've now made a vow to be with this other person forever,

and that is the most important thing.

i came into our marriage with this mindset,

but sometimes it's easier said than done.

luckily paul & i have some very good role models

when it comes to successful marriages.

we are so blessed that both his parents & mine

have been married for 28 years,

and both sets of parents are still

so happy together.

paul's parents seem to have a great mindset about

keeping their own interests and personalities

even though they are married

and have been for such a long time.

mom-in-law does fitness classes and enjoys time with her friends,

dad-in-law loves music;
he heads up the music at their church,
and spends a lot of time with his admirable collection
of music equipment at home.

they have many wonderful traditions in their marriage & their family,

like cooking an amazing sunday brunch together

and attending midnight mass on christmas eve
and having a wonderful feast afterwards!

they go to church together and take walks
in their neighborhood together on a regular basis.

my parents have the most amazing realationship of anyone i know.
they still act like newlyweds,

they have nicknames for each other that go back thirty years,

and they don't hesitate to show each other affection in the form of

a hug & kiss in the kitchen

or an "i love you" on the phone,
and a phone call just because.
 i've never heard them raise their voices at each other,
or approach any situation with anything other than
love and respect for one another.
both my mom and dad have given me

such great advice about compromise

and what it means to have a happy marriage,

and i know that they both have put their hearts & souls

into their marriage

because they love each other so very much.

sometimes when we were planning the wedding,
it was hard to remember that the importance wasn't on
the one day that you were putting all the effort into...
the important thing is the marriage that comes afterwards
and the wedding day will mean nothing
if you don't continue to put just as much effort
into loving and honoring each other
every day of your lives together
and making sure that your marriage is always a happy one
~full of fulfillment, caring, and love~
for both people involved.

we're so lucky to have such inspiration when it comes to

having a successful marriage

and i hope paul and i

can be just as happy as our parents

when we have been married for 28 years.

for now we'll concentrate on our first year,

because we're not even four months in.

but i have a good feeling about us.

we're learning every day,

and every day we fall more in love with each other.

photo from here

What I've Learned So Far About Being Married

*it's okay to hang out together but still be doing your own thing*

*one of the most fun things about sharing all your money...

...is deciding how to spend your grocery budget*

*winning fights is not the most important thing*

*sometimes you can't tear yourself away...
...no matter what else is going on in the world*

*as a matter of fact, winning the fight is pretty much the least important thing*

*bliss is when you fall asleep together and wake up together and know...

...that you're each the person the other one wants to be waking up next to*

*even when you wake up looking like an insane person*

*who knew you could pass hours just making each other laugh?* 

*having traditional gender roles in a marriage is okay...

...as long as you are each happy to be in them*

*knowing that someone made a choice and a declaration to be with you forever...

...really gives you a lot of trust that this person isn't going anywhere* 

*and that's a good feeling*

*especially when you want to talk about having babies and you know...

...that now he's okay with talking about it too*

*learning to communicate well is way harder than you think it's going to be*

*someone now shares your life...

...big decisions (and even medium-sized ones) should be made together* 

*mini after-lunch-cuddle-sessions are pretty much the best thing on the planet* 

*there is still so much to learn about this person you think you know so well*

*compromise is key*

*and hey, you never knew that a godfather poster and a purple ikea lamp...

...would work together in the same space*

*it's important to remember who "you" are...

...as well as who "we" are*

*knowing you have a partner & a friend in everything you do...

...is a wonderful feeling*

our wedding favors, photo from here

why i love my husband

paul, you are a wonderful husband, and i wanted to take some time to write down all the reasons you mean so much to me...

1. you're not afraid to be silly around me

2. you are very handsome when you're working at your desk by the light of your little lamp

3. i love your unshaven-ness

4. you love to cuddle at night and in the morning

5. you encourage me to be my best

6. if i'm feeling down, you take the time to make me feel better, in any way you can think of

7. when i think about you teaching your class on thursdays, it makes my heart flutter with pride

8. you are artistic and the words and songs you create are absolutely incredible

9. you tell me you love me all the time

10. when i say i need some "real" kisses, you stop what you're doing and wrap me all up in your arms and give me real kisses.

i love you!
i'm so glad to be married to you.

secrets for a stress-free wedding

Paul and I were watching the movie "ghosts of girlfriends past" last night (my choice, and he just tried not to complain) and the bride in the movie kept giving herself hernias because there were no figs in the rehearsal dinner salad, and because the best man tipped the five-tier cake over and ruined it the night before the wedding (ok that's a bit of a problem, but in my opinion it's not worth a heart attack). I started thinking about the wonderful experience I had during my wedding planning process, because I was determined not to let the little things stress me out. It was very important to both d and myself that we be able to enjoy the process of picking the details for our wedding, and we wanted the planning to bring us closer, not to make us fight more than we ever had in our relationship (as it seems to do to the many couples i see on wedding television). So I thought I'd share some of the tips and tricks that I used to stay sane and happy while planning our wedding this past summer.

• decide beforehand which details are flexible, and which are set in stone. If you want to stay happy and keep things functioning, not every one of your ideas can be set in stone. This is because not everything is going to work out the way you want it to. as far as weddings go, this is statistically impossible. you need to know ahead of time which things you will fight for if they are going wrong, and which ones you are okay with letting go and finding another solution.

• we were working with a (very) limited budget, so I had already made a note in my mind that things were going to be as beautiful as they could be with the money we had to spend - and the creativity that I had time to put into it. having unrealistic expectations of what your decor will look like or how much food you can have will only set you up for disappointment.

• have as many contingency plans as you can think of. if something is out of your budget, booked up, or sold out, be a quick thinker and come up with a plan b that you can be equally excited about

•  don't let other people stress you out. you will probably realize as you are planning your wedding that some of the people around you are living vicariously through your bridal-ness, and that they love telling you what will work, what won't work, who to invite, and how to do things. tune them out. this is your wedding, and the only thing that matters at the end of the day is that you & your guests have fun, and that you are happy with the result.

• remember that your guests are all your closest friends and family. this helps a lot with the stress of trying to please your guests. if you think of them simply as guests, it becomes really easy to get scared that someone might not like the menu, or the music, and then hate you forever. but these people love you - that is why you are inviting them in the first place. they are there to see you at the peak of happiness and celebrate your marriage, not just for the free food and booze.

• don't let the imagined problems of others add to your stress. if someone in your close planning circle is stressing about a detail, or bitching about another member of the family or the wedding party, tell them "it sounds like you have that all under control. thanks for your help" and then let them continue to be all stressed out, all on their own. if they can't handle it any more, tell them you will deal with it rather than letting them complain to you indefinitely - whatever they are stressing about is usually something that doesn't matter that much anyway when you look at everything in perspective.

• you may not be in the same situation as i was, but it probably helps to sit down with your groomsmen ahead of time, and tell them what your expectations are for them. yes, this is a party, but as groomsmen (and you may want to have this conversation with your bridesmaids as well, depending on how crazy they are - luckily mine were wonderful) they have a responsibility not to get out of control. this doesn't mean not enjoying themselves, just keeping the "clubbing-behaviour" in the closet until the afterparty. give them all responsibilities (like making sure all the single aunts have dance partners), and really stress that your parents and grandparents are there, and you would be very upset if they had to witness a groomsmen removing his clothing as he danced on the bar, and they will hopefully understand and rise to the challenge.

• have a wedding-day coordinator. whether they are someone you pay, or one of your bridesmaids or another trusted friend, having someone with a schedule and a knowledge of what needs to happen when (ceremony, photos, events at reception, who the parents & grandparents - and other important guests - are) takes the pressure off you having to make sure every little detail is running smoothly. sit down with your coordinator (choose someone organized and they will love "running" your event) beforehand and go over the schedule and all the little details that you want them to make sure are being executed properly. this will save you much stress on the day of, because anything that you would be worried about, you can instead reassure yourself that someone has it under control.
  

Most importantly, remember that your wedding is happening because you and your man love each other, and you want to commit yourselves to each other. that is what this day is about, not about all the details and the people. in the end, if you can focus on this, and remember to take time for each other and maintain what your regular relationship is like amidst all the chaos, you will be able to take deep breaths whenever anything goes wrong and know that it's not the end of the world, because once the day is over you will be with the man you love forever.